Thursday, May 3, 2012

New Blog (Take 2)

You'd think I was used to it by now. Starting over. Letting intentions fall by the wayside, then picking them up again. Thinking that a new tool or a new site or new circumstances might help, but knowing better.It's hard to start over, especially if I've let time pass. It's like that pile of dishes over there in the sink. I think about doing them, but then the thought of actually doing then becomes mentally painful. So I don't think about it much or put it off until some unspecified later.I'm 18 years clean and sober. I don't generally advertise this, but when people find out they sometimes congratulate me. They say I must have a lot of will power. On the contrary, it took a lot of won't power, which I seem to have in spades. Writing or doing dishes seems to take will power, of which I have little, apparently.But I need to write. It's not that I should, it's that I need to. There is so much in here, more than 40 years worth, that needs to be out there. I'm not bursting with it, but it needs to flow out. It feels more like the water inside a water heater, the scale and mineral deposits building up inside, forming a crust. I feel crusty.So, I will not despise this opportunity to write. I will take it and use it to the best of my ability for as long as . . . as long as I can, be that a day, a week, a month, a year.As painful as sitting down to write can be, I almost always feel better when I get up from it. Right now I feel six paragraphs better.(Originally posted on my Posterous blog two days ago, before I decided that despite Posterous being minimalist and simple and all that, it sucks and its iPad app sucks. Maybe I'm not doing it right.)


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